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Man is obsessed with phallic and yonic imagery (that’s the female version of a phallus for everyone who doesn’t watch Lifetime).
Just take a look at the penis cemetery in Iran. Or the Washington Monument. And did you know that some scientists think Stonehenge was a fertility symbol? From overheaddoes kind of look like a man’s unit inside a woman’s squish mitten. it
But it’s not just mankind that’s all
into sexual imagery. There are phallic and yonic symbols all over the
world that were created by nature.
Consider mountains. Mountains already look like giant breasts. There’s even a set of twin peaks in Wyoming called Grand Teton, which means “big tits” in French.
But there are a few mountains that look exceptionally human. Like Rodinga, in central Australia…
If that was on a human, that would be
an exceptional breast. Good lift, nice roundness. But the cherry on
top is, well, the cherry on top. There’s no denying that that mountain
has a nipple. And evidently it’s a little cold. But apparently not as cold as Bakersfield, Texas, where the Squaw Teat Mountain continues to arouse drivers on the I-10.
However, it’s called Boob Mountain, not Boobs Mountains, for a reason: there’s only one
boob. That’s only half the package. Everyone knows breasts are only
successful in pairs. Fortunately, nature didn’t forget about that. But
in a mean stroke of irony, nature decided to put the only pair of boob
mountains in a country where the women aren’t renowned for their cup
size… China.
Today, people call this stunningly
realistic set of hooters the “Big Breast Mountains,” but since our
ancestors weren’t as perverted, they named them Shuangru Peak
(despite the fact that the plural “peaks” seems more appropriate).
Theye’re located in Zhenfeng County in China’s Guizhou Province, and
couples that are soon to be married come from all over the country to
worship at the foot of these mountainous mammaries, believing it will
bring goodness and prosperity (if only real ones were capable of doing
the same).
Look, we’d like to think that Mother
Nature is delicate and classy, but clearly that’s not the case when
she’s flashing her junk all over the earth. First it was the chest, and
now we’re delving below the waist.
Forget Girls Gone Wild. This is nature gone wild.
This beaver shot was taken just outside of St. Catherine, Jamaica, where the locals call this vaginal rock formation the “Pum Pum Rock”
— pum pum being slang for that other P-word we call cats and scared
people. As in, “Don’t be a pum pum, mon, just stick yo head in da Pum
Pum Rock.”
Here’s nature again advertising her wares at the Alderman Islands in New Zealand…
And here she is flashing the nani in Boulder Park, California…
Since nature has clearly abandoned
modesty, it’s time to update her look for the sexually enlightened 21st
century. That’s why someone gave the McCarren Park “Vagina Tree” in Brooklyn a little ornamentation.
As we’ve seen, Mother Nature has a bangin’ body. But let’s not forget that she’s a hermaphrodite.
Yeah, it’s kinda freaky, but in order
to represent all living things on this planet, it was necessary for her
to showcase both male and female genitalia.
That’s why we find phallic rock
formations all over the world. Rocks, like penises, come in many
different colors, shapes and sizes.
For instance, there’s this flaccid tally whacker in Carefree, Arizona that has been crudely named Cock Rock.
Then there’s the Phallic Rock in
Molokai, Hawaii. We kid you not, legend has it that a woman who spends
the night with this rock will become pregnant. So that explains the
white splotches.
Some women might consider Phallic Rock
lacking in the size department, although it does seem to have admirable
girth. Don’t worry, the penis rock at Kodachrome Basin State Park in Utah is packing enough heat to make up for the shortcomings of Phallic Rock.
Unlike some other phallic rocks, this
one comes complete with all the necessary bits and pieces. Even though
the park has 60 of these sand pipes, which are found nowhere else on the
planet, this particular one has been nicknamed Big Stoney for obvious reasons — it’s stone, duh!
If one ain’t enough, there’s always this…
Dick measuring contest in progress.
Yeah, it’s kinda pointy and stabby at
the tip, but you gotta respect the work nature did with that
circumcision. These bad boys are located in the appropriately named
Love Valley in Cappadocia, Turkey. The scenery is breathtaking
(perhaps even intimidating to some men), but there’s no doubt that this
is the biggest stone sausage fest in the world.
Clearly, nature has done a whoreish job
of spreading her naughty bits all over the world. But what’s really
strange is that in a few locations, there are rock formations in the
shape of male AND female genitalia… side by side. The odds of that
happening are way too high for this not to be deliberate.
Check this out: in Sagada, Philippines, there’s a cave system that has a vagina rock called “Queen’s Vagina”…
…right next to a penis rock named “King’s Penis”.
Same thing in Arches National Park
in Utah. There’s a phallic rock formation so close to a yonic rock
formation that if they weren’t inanimate, they would totally be boning
right now.
If you thought that was graphic, wait until you see this. The Grandmother Rock (Hin Yai) and Grandfather Rock (Hin Ta)
on Koh Samui island in Thailand are the most famous penis rock and
vagina rock displays in the world. And when you see this, you’ll know
why so many couples go on honeymoon here — it sets the mood…
Nature just went from sexy to nasty.
If anyone is looking over your shoulder right now, they’re probably
judging you. But just tell them that there’s a legit reason why that
vagina rock appears to be in a post-coital state of sloppiness. It’s
because when the waves crash against the rock, the white foam from the
ocean water collects in the crevice. Okay, with that graphic
description, they’re probably still judging you, but at least you have a
reasonable explanation for why that looks so naughty.
Oh, but we’re not done with sexual
landscapes. This foray into erotic earth exhibits continues in
Guangdong, China, where the Danxia Mountain is yet another place where we find rock formations in the shape of male and female genitalia close to one another. This is Elder Peak…
…and just below that is Mother Stone.
Wow, that is accurate. Disturbingly accurate. Which seems to make these ladies proud:
We don’t know why nature insisted on
putting penis and vagina rock formations dangerously close to each
close, because THIS is the inevitable result…
Hot damn, that is some hardcore,
uncensored nature porn right there. Thank goodness nature was decent
enough to keep this graphic sex display underground in Lang’s Cave in Gunung Mulu National Park in Borneo (supposedly their tagline is: “Borneo, Where Nature Will Make You Horneo”).
We
understand if you got turned on by that image, but it would be weird to
act on it. So keep your hands on the keyboard and tell us if you’ve
ever seen naughty phallic symbols in nature.
(Trileo mail)
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